Spinach Wrap with Curried Salmon Apple Salad

Ingredients: 

4 large burrito size spinach tortilla (I used Trader Joe's)

2 cans atlantic salmon
1/2 tart apple such as granny smith, peeled &  chopped *
1/2 red onion finely chopped
1 tsp dry dill **
1/2 tsp dry mint **
1/4 tsp dry oregano **
1/2 tsp curry powder
1/2 tsp turmeric
red pepper flakes to taste
2 Tbsp Mayonaise
juice of half a lemon

*instead of apple you can use manderine oranges or grapes cut into halves.
** if using fresh spices, reduce amount by approximately 1/2.

Finely flake salmon with a fork, adding spices one by one.  Add onion and apple, lemon juice and mayonaise and mix well.  For best results refridgerate for at least 2 hours.  Spread mixture evenly on to tortillas and roll them up.  Cut off the ends.  Cut into slices approximately 1 inch wide, and arrange attractively on a platter. Enjoy!

Ponderings About the tragedy at Fort Dix

--It is the duty of every cultured man or woman to read sympathetically the scriptures of the world. If we are to respect others' religions as we would have them respect our own, a friendly study of the world's religions is a sacred duty. -- Ghandi

It is with great sadness that I read of the terrible tragedy that occured at Fort Hood on Thursday. As I read through the story, I noticed the name of the perpetrator, and came to the conclusion that this man was Muslim. Then I wondered how long it would be before someone came up with a theory that this situation was motivated by the man's religious beliefs, and how long it would be before people would start spouting the most awful, hateful things about one of the world's largest religions.

Today, at my mosque, our khutbah (sermon during Friday prayers) hammered home the point that we as Muslims should set a good example, and that we must use good judgment in condoning or issuing punishment regardless of whether they are related to us (by blood or by religion).

The example used was if someone came to you and claimed that your son or daughter had been involved in a problem. Would you automatically say that your child would not behave that way or would you investigate the situation and act accordingly?

Our duty as Americans is to aid the families that were affected by this terrible tragedy, by offering our emotional and financial support. We can donate blood for the soldiers that were injured. Our duty as American Muslims is to condemn these acts against humankind, that are not to be condoned or tolerated under any circumstances.

The Quran (the Muslim's holy book) states that to take a human life affects all humankind and to save a human life leads to the salvation of all human kind (Al-Maeda 5, 32). Nowhere does it state that Muslims can take the lives on innocent people, it is an offense against God as well as humanity.

Based on the facts that we have today, what can we tell or extrapolate? According to several scholarly articles, a predisposition to violence can often be exacerbated by some of the following: someone who is a loner, has had setbacks, perhaps poor job performance, may have a history of psychiatric disorder(s), maybe reacting to humiliation, rejection, or failure, most retaliated due to despair, hopelessness. In adolescents we often see things such as extreme isolation and bullying.

From the numerous stories I have read about this heinous crime, we know that the perpetrator was upset about being deployed to Iraq, that he had had performance issues at work, he may have been counseled for psychological issues, and had given away all of his furniture. He had been bullied by people because of his religion. Does that excuse his behavior? Absolutely not. Could it have happened to anyone of any religion? Without a doubt, yes.

To point the finger at the perpetrator's religious beliefs is short sighted. I think instead of focusing on this man's issues, we need to direct our prayers and attention to those who have been affected by this tragedy. Let us not forget, too, that this man had parents, aunts, cousins all of whom must be baffled by what has happened. Where do they turn for help? Who will hear their pleas?

Sooner or later the dust will settle and we will have a clearer picture of what caused this man to snap. But let's not paint all Muslims with the same brush.

CIAR and other Muslim Organizations Condemn Act of Violence at Fort Hood

Yet another reason I don't go to Walmart

Walmart's sick leave policy -- must read story -- sure to make you queasy with flu-like symptoms.

I've long wondered why it is that employees at the local Walmart seem so unhappy. In the story I above linked today, it seems that Walmart is punishing employees who are sick with flu like symptoms for staying home, as well as punishing those who stay home to take care of a sick family member. Hey, Walmart -- Have you heard of FMLA? Has anyone in Human Resources actually read the recommendations put forth by the CDC?

Thankfully not all Walmart employees cower at the ridiculous policies set forth by this behemoth organization, and have filed a claim with the NLC (National Labor Committee). Good for them.

But that doesn't' answer the question as to why Walmart repeatedly treats their employees like dirt, and why it is that we continue to support their ever growing chain of stores.

I have to say that I am one of those pesky people who can simply not turn off the way that people are treated by an organization, and should I become aware of mistreatment or other unethical or immoral conduct, I will swear off my allegiance to the violating company -- usually forever.

Walmart, for me has long fallen out of favor. It started with the discrimination against promoting female employees, and escalated when workers were locked inside buildings overnight, and came to a thundering crescendo on a local level when repeated attempts to have Walmart patrol their parking lot handicapped spaces for wayward carts failed.

I should mention that I repeatedly complained that Walmart were violating the law. I also informed them that if I got to three complaints, I would be contacting the Department of Justice to file a complaint under the ADA (Americans with Disabilities Act). All I got was empty promises from store supervisors. You would think that at the very least they would try to make it look good during my presence there and remove the offending carts.

Apparently I was not alone in my beef about the parking situation and lack of accessibility to handicapped persons, because the Department of Justice filed suit against Walmart on this matter, which to my understanding was settled out of court.

Sure, Walmart is bringing jobs to small towns across the United States, but at what cost? Do employees have to put up with these corporate bullies? Why is it more important to the average American to save a few bucks than it is to support local businesses?

I'm not sure I have the answers to this question. However, I will tell you this: the more these types of issues arise, the more I am bound and determined to steer clear of Walmart.

If you want another reason to avoid this retailer, simply click here. That is, of course, unless you have a fashion statement to make.

There are plenty of other retailers out there. If you don't agree with Walmart's corporate policies, simply vote with your wallet and go somewhere else!

The Case of Marley and Me

What could be better than seeing a cute puppy on the front of a movie box? Not only to my son, but to me. Yes, I will freely admit that I got suckered into watching the likes of Marley & Me. Not once, mind you, but because the antics of this cantankerous force of canine destruction we so appealing to my 8-year-old, I was relagated to viewing it multiple times.

What is interesting to note, is that the main character, John Grogen, gets the dog, Marley, because he fears that his wife, Jennie, maybe getting baby-fever. And, what better way to practice parenting skills than to get a dog together? So John and Jennie set off to become the happy parents of a Labrador. After countless mishaps, I myself can feel the surge of anxiety that surely this couple must have felt with the torment this dog puts them through. The inadequacy with which they train their dog, and the permissiveness and fickleness in their respective characters is enough to make me want to vomit.

The problem with this movie is that it is art immitating life. I have seen so many people struggle to control their dogs. Now, if you have a dog that is well over 60 pounds, do you still think it is cute when said animal jumps on people? I think not.

And then John and Jennie go on to have children. Yikes! Perhaps we should strongly consider temporarily sterilizing anyone who cannot adequately train their dog before they have children. Do I hear a yea?

As I watch Marley destroy just about everything in his path ranging from sofas to bed pillows, I feel myself getting increasingly irritated at the total lack of control John and Jennie have over the dog. And, because I am a parent and a former dog owner, I feel I have the right to pass judgment on this issue. What strikes me as interesting as well, is that it does not occur to our happy couple to start training their dog until it has reached nearly 100 lbs of uncontrollable mass.

Umm, folks, news flash at 11? One should start training a dog when it is still a puppy. It should know who is boss from the first day it enters your home. Hmm...interesting....sort of like, say...having a child!

As my unease with Marley continues to climb, and Marley continues to live the unrestrained life, I can't believe my eyes that John and Jennie embark on their next adventure -- having children. Say it ain't so!

OK, I'll admit Marley and me has some tender and comical moments. But what is interesting to note is how many dog owners (and parents) have assumed the role of being Mr or Mrs Nice Guy instead of laying the foundation for well-behaved dogs and children from the beginning.

Whether the media is precisely trying to hammer home my point, poking fun at young couples who can't seem to manage their dogs, or whether it is aiming to depict-- and accurately at that-- what is going on all over the country, I can't be sure. What I am sure of is that this situation will never occur in my home, where I, as Queen of the Castle, also known as Mom, am in charge.

Faster than a Speeding Bullet

My son and I hurling down the

slide screaming "Bonnzzaii!"


Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No it's supermom hurling down a huge inflatable slide! I know the pictures aren't the greatest -- they were taken with a cell phone -- as my son and I sped down screaming "Giranemo!!!" But here is proof that this mom hasn't forgotten how to have fun! Last night Autism Cares sponsored an hour-long play date at the Horsham Bounce U. It was a great opportunity for my son and I to go out and have a lot of fun. Despite his initial reluctance - an thus my quest to help him overcome his fear of heights -- he had an amazing time and eventually went down this incline all by himself!

With GPS in hand we departed on our journey. Never having been to said location, we did take a bit of a tour of the immediate neighborhood. Arriving fashionably late, we met the founder of Austism Cares and got to climb and bounce on all sorts of contraptions. After yours truly broke the ice -- after all why should the kids be the only ones that are having a ball going down the slides -- other parents soon joined in.

I'm telling you, this place is not just for kids. Next time you want to do the unthinkable and have a girls night out, you might find that this kind of place is just the ticket for some unadulterated-laugh-until-you-cry fun.

(One of my girlfriends and I are already scheming and planning with the hopes to make this happen.)

But for now, this is a great place for kids to blow off some steam whether they have special needs or not. We came home after our excursion, my son totally exhausted from bouncing and sliding. I am happy to report that he is still snuggly tucked into bed in his glow-in-the-dark footie pajamas.

I strongly suggest dressing in layers if you are planning to be a participant in the bouncing and gliding, for you will sweat.

The good news about this particular Bounce U and keeping with my personal belief that turn about is fair play, we hit up the Trader Joe's Market. It is located relatively closely Bounce U. I love this place: it is a virtual mecca of fresh and frozen foods. Although neither of these locations weren't exactly around the corner from my humble abode, we killed two birds.

The most difficult part was over coming the inertia I felt at the end of the day to undertake the trek, but once arrived it was completely worth it!

True confessions of a Coke Addict

OK, before you judge me, let me ask how many of you are not fully operational without a mug of steaming Joe firmly implanted in one hand? You wake up in the morning with your eyes at half mast, and it is imperative to start the coffee pot as soon as your feet hit the floor. Or else, you hit up the Starbucks or Dunkin' Donuts on your way to work. Me, I vote for the nearest 7-11 or Wawa to score my D.O.C. (Drink of Choice)

While I could salivate for hour hours in a some posh coffee shop at the aroma, the taste, for me at least, has never become something that I can tolerate, no matter what the purported benefits are. Perhaps my parents' misguided efforts to introduce me to the world of coffee drinking, allowing me to add as much sugar or milk it it spoiled me forever. But the smell -- that I like.

Yes people, I have a confession. I do caffeine cold. There is nothing like finding my style of silver bullet in the form of a can of Diet Coke in the fridge when I first rise and shine. My mother has already berated me on this issue and dubbed me a traitor. No self-respecting person from Dutch heritage could possible be afflicted by the addiction that I have developed for my sparkly, crisp delightful taste that dances on my tongue first thing in the morning.

I'm a purist, thank you very much. No one will be diluting my magic potion with the likes of ice, and although I have many rules and rituals regarding the proper serving of other foods and beverages, there is but one way to drink my favorite drink -- straight out of the fridge and still in the can. And don't even get me started with flavored cokes, because they totally miss the mark as far as my prissy tastebuds are concerned. No Cherry Coke, no Diet Coke with Lime. I prefer mine straight up.

This morning, I had a minor melt down as I trolled the entire house to find the last remaining container of my favorite libation. I was almost in a panic that I had allowed my otherwise stockpiled home dwindle to zero. I was cranky, surly and dismayed. How could I possible be expected to function without a sip of my favorite preparation?

I realize I have become an addict. No morning is complete without the addition of Diet Coke. It is a must have for this coffee-averting diva. It has become a phenomenon synonymous with proper firing of the synapses that would otherwise lay dormant for the remainder of the day.

In a pinch, an off brand substitute has sufficed, but only if there is absolutely nothing else available to fulfill my craving for the aforementioned.

I think I am beginning to understand those of you that say there is no life before coffee. I will, however, adhere strictly to my silver can with inviting red letters. I am under no delusion: I know I am addicted. But it is a small price to pay for that quick pick-me-up, isn't it?

Diet Coke -- breakfast drink of champions. (I suppose I should mention here that I had pizza margarita for breakfast but seeing as it was all natural, no preservatives, it sort of balances out the Diet Coke I so sorely needed)

News Flash! This New U.S. Citizen will not be voting.

Ladies and Gentlemen, meet one of the newest U.S. Citizens of the United States. That would be *moi*. Yes, after residing in this country as a permanent resident since 1983, I finally did it. My first plight as a dutiful denizen? Registering to vote. I know there are those of you out there that are now rolling your eyes saying now how could my vote possibly make a difference? Now imagine my retort: What if all of the people that had that attitude actually voted?

So being ready to fulfill my newly appointed duty and right as a full-fledged citizen of the good ol' U S of A, I try to find out what's going on with all of the signs going up around town for the local elections. Try it some time, you might be surprised how difficult it is to find out whom you should vote for (yes, I actually want to know what these characters' views are before I mark my box), where to go to vote and such. A little hand holding for this newby voter would be nice, thank you very much. So many websites have broken links and outdated information its maddening. No, I'm not interested in knowing who was running for sheriff in 1996!!

Which brings us to today. I feel like a deflated balloon. Here I was all ready to strut my stuff into the nearest polling booth...But guess what? I missed the cut off by 4 days! That's right...4 days. And, if I would have been able to vote in this election, I would have taken pictures of this momentous occassion.

So I'm rallying the troups! Please do me a favor? Exercise your God-given American right. Get off your duff, and get out there and vote. But wait! Before you do, please, please please go as an educated voter. Make me proud and make sure you understand what the candidates are going to do for you and whether their stance on issues are in line with your beliefs.

Now get busy! Because after it's all over and the votes are counting, I'm not going to listen to you whine and complain about who got elected, unless you got your petoot out there and voted. Me, on the other hand, I have an excuse. But you get bet your sweet bippy I'll be ready for the next election. It's on America, I have arrived!

For you lazy bones who aren't registered to vote, get going.

If you really want to know something scary -- try this for sport...

For shame! The United States ranks 139th in voter turn out!!!

Chilli Chicken

This was my first foray into Indo/Chinese cuisine and I was surprised by how delicious it was!! Not very difficult to make, although preparing the chicken is a bit time consuming. 

Ingredients:

2 lbs of skinless boneless chicken breast tenders (fresh, not the breaded variety it will save you a lot of extra work!)

1 egg

1 Tbsp flour

1 Tbsp Soya Sauce reduced sodium

1 Tsp garlic paste

2 tsp arrow root powder

1 tsp baking powder

1 tsp baking soda

Canola Oil for frying the chicken 

----------

For the sauce

1 3/4 C water

2 tsp arrowroot powder mixed with 1/4 C water

2 Tbsp reduced sodium soya sauce

2 Tbsp lemonade

2 Tbsp white rice vinegar

2 Tbsp dark brown sugar

2 tsp ginger powder

dash white pepper

1 long skinny chilli pepper seeds removed, sliced into small rings

1 sweet onion diced

5 cloves fresh garlic

----------

For garnish:

2 scallions sliced in tiny rings

small bunch of cilantro coarsely chopped.

If desired, slice chicken into squares measuring about 2 x 2 inches

In a bowl combine egg, soya sauce, garlic paste, arrow root powder, baking powder, baking soda. Beat until all ingredients are well mixed.  Add chicken and let marinade for a minimum of 2 hours. 

In a large skillet fry chicken over medium heat until golden brown on both sides.  Place chicken on a large plate lined with ample paper towels to drain. Keep warm.

When finished with the chicken, clean the skillet.  Over medium heat, add a little oil, perhaps 1 Tbsp, and briefly sauteeing the onion and later the garlic until clear but not browned.  Set aside.

In a sauce pan combine the water, reduced sodium soya sauce, lemonade, white rice vinegar,  dark brown sugar.  Bring to a simmer.  Mix 2 tsp arrowroot powder mixed with 1/4 C cold water.  When the mixture in the pan beings to simmer, slowly add the arrowroot water wisking all the time.  Your sauce should begin to thicken.  Next add ginger paste and white pepper.  Taste a bit of the sauce adding more sugar or vinegar to achieve the taste you desire.  Add the chilies. For a decent amount of spiciness, add about 3/4 of the chili, for milder, use less. This chilli packs a punch so adding a little at a time and simmering it with your sauce and tasting it will give you a good indication as to whether to continue to add more or not.  Next add the onion and garlic, allowing to simmer for perhaps 5 minutes to blend flavors.

Place the chicken on a bed of rice such as basmati (my personal favorite) top with chilli sauce.  Garnish with scallion and cilantro. Serve while hot.  This recipe serves 4 adults.

Recommended vegetables: Steamed snow peas, sauteed mushroom medley.

Quiche in a Blender Recipe

At the risk of becoming utterly bored, I have been experimenting with soft foods to make them at the very least palatable. Here follows a recipe for those of you who, like me, have to eat soft foods subsequent to oral surgery.

You will need a blender for this recipe.

1 frozen pie crust - pierce with fork pre-bake for about 10 minutes*
4 eggs
1/4 cup light cream
1/2 cup feta cheese
1/2 red onion cut into 8 pieces
2 cloves garlic (or 1 clove elephant garlic)
1/2 tsp hot pepper flakes
1 tsp dill
1 tsp curry
1/2 tsp turmeric
1 tsp dried chives
1/2 tsp dried mint
1/4 tsp oregano
salt & pepper to taste
1 C shredded mozzarella

* Many pie crusts are still manufactured with lard. Read ingredients carefully when making your selection.

Place eggs, cream and spice in blender and start blender on low. Gradually add onion, garlic, feta cheese. Blend on medium for about 1minute until frothy. Place the mozarrella cheese on the bottom of the pie crust. Pour the egg mixture on top. Bake in preheated oven at 350 degrees for approximately 45 minutes to 1 hour until done. You can test this by inserting a knife in the middle and ensuring it comes out clean or gentle pushing the top of the quiche. It should give some resistance and no longer giggle like jell-o.

Second Installment in the chair

Today was the day I for the first time I got to experience Nitrous Oxide (N2o2). The idea of being "gassed" was not very appealing to me. However, anyone who is extremely anxious, should not pass up this opportunity to turn a dental visit into something that at least bearable. Despite popular opinion, this gas does not make one feel "loopy" or "drugged" at all, it alters one's perception only in the fact that one simply doesn't care. Not only that, but some interesting jokes can result subsequent to administration, causing a lot of giggling or laughter --hence its nickname "laughing gas".

Folks, this is the anxious patients' best friend. If you have the funds to cover it, and you are overly anxious patient it is worth it. A small mask is placed over the nose, and first oxygen is administered which is later mixed with the N2O2. The nice thing is that this method is quickly reversible, should you have trouble with it in the least bit, the mask is removed and you are back to reality within minutes.

Again, I want to thank the staff of my new dentist office for their compassion and dedication to patient comfort.

Smoothies A La Post Dental Surgery

For this recipe you will need a blender. Due to the consistency of the the liquid, you may have to take the jar off the stand and stir it up with a spoon to prevent clumping on the bottom.

What you will need:

3/4 C yoghurt -- plain

1/2 C apple sauce

1 1/2 tsp vanilla

2-3 Tsp brown sugar

1/2 C ice

3/4 C frozen berries of your choice. I used mixed berry medley

Place the ingredient is the blender in the order and puree for about 30-45 seconds until desired consistency is achieved.

Avoid using straws after dental surgery as it my cause the bloodclots in the sockets of your mouth to become dislodged and cause a VERY painful condition called dry socket.

Other ideas for soft foods -

(you should avoid eating hot foods on the first day to speed healing)

Applesauce

Yoghurt

Milk Shakes

Smoothies

Eggs

Jello

Soups
Avocado
Bananas

More information about post op dental care

5 hours of dental work later

Have I mentioned that I should be a science experiment? In the realm of medicine and dental care, there is no such thing as a straight line to success for me. There are always complications. This is part of what has driven my fear of going to the dentist, because I have trouble getting numb and I don't tolerate numbing agents that contain epinephrine very well. The epinephrine helps potentiate lidocaine or novacaine. (Read: gives it a longer half-life and generally produces better numbing results). I have TMJ, so keeping my mouth open for long periods of time can be an issue.

Although my treatment yesterday was painful and long, I have to say that it taught me a couple of things. One is that you do have a voice once you hit the chair. If you are in pain, the dentist will stop -- but you have to ask. I think this is one of the key issues in good dental treatment -- creating a relationship of trust and communication between you and your dentist.

As it turns out the nerve canal running along the tooth to be extracted and the tooth that needed a root canal was quite inflamed and not all of the work could be completed as a result. The bad news is that I have to go back next week and have the treatment finished. The good news is that we got one of the teeth out (although it took two dentist to perform the operation...) We exhausted the recommended amount of numbing agents, and simply had to stop.

I was prescribed an antibiotic to deal with the inflamation and Ultram and Naproxin Sodium for pain. Wouldn't you know I didn't sleep most of the night, not because of the pain, but as -- true to form, I am allergic to something and was itching like mad last night.

While I was filling the prescriptions at the pharmacy (conveniently located right across from the dentist) the dentist came over to check on me because of the complexity of the case. Later last evening she called and asked how I was.

I have to say, I have never seen a staff with more compassion and concern. I am so impressed with my new dentist. Check out their office here, and make sure you tell them Peppy sent ya.

Dental Work (continued)

Well tomorrow is D-day. I am very nervous and scared because I am undergoing quite a bit of dental work in one sitting. The good news is that my new dentist is very friendly and compassionate. I have tried to keep myself entertained and focused on other things besides what is about to take place tomorrow. I find I am obsessing about not so much the procedure while in the chair, but the potential for post-operative pain.

My other fear is that I will not be completely numb for the procedure and that the dentist will not stop even though I am in agony. Don't blame me, this is not an unrealistic fear, it has happened more times than I can count on one hand.

This is one of the reasons it surprises me when a dentist has a poor chair-side manner or chastises his or her patients for being afraid. We, after all are consumers, no different than any other business. Yes, dentists are a necessary evil, but can we at least try to make the experience as pleasant as possible.

I have been offered nitrous oxide, but having no previous experience with this, I am nervous about inhaling some gas that will make me loopy. Some people love the idea, I, personally like to have my wits about me, unless I am completely knocked out.

As luck would have it, I am allergic to just about every opioid on the market. So an alternative has to be given. I have had some experience with this medication before with mixed results. I am terrified that I will be in agony and because it is not an opioid, it does not have the benefit of making one drowsy or simply not giving a hoot.

I am nervous about spending a lot of money on my teeth, but the alternative isn't a good one either. I keep thinking of ways to avoid going, but that is miserable as well. The recurring thought in my head is tomorrow at this time it will all be over...

Great Eats In Bucks County

I'm a sucker for trying new foods, no matter their origins. So today we went to Food Castle, a great Indian restaurant with an unpretentious name.

The menu is huge and covers Indian, Thai and Chinese Food. It is not for the faint at heart as it is quite spicy. We tried the Murgh Tikki Masala, Garlic Naan, Samosas, and Dry Chili Chicken. For around $30 total, we feasted like royalty. For those on a Muslim diet, the food is prepared with halal meats, and there are numerous vegetarian entrees as well.

It certainly was worth the drive to Bensalem from our abode in Levittown. My suggestion -- call ahead for take out orders as the wait is pretty lengthy. The upshot is that your food will be hot when you get it home and it is most definitely fresh.

If you love mango as much as I do, definitely do not pass up the mango lassi!!

Stay tuned for other finds around Bucks County.

The silent treatment's best friend

I've noticed that the silent treatment as a partner called "let's pretend". I've noticed that the preface to most of the silent treatment around here is prefaced by a phase where I ask "Baby what's going on" and then get an insincere smile with the answer "I'm fine" when you know things are anything but. The I'm fine is often accompanied with behavior that makes it clear that things are not fine. Like ignoring someone, cooking food only for oneself, spending hours on end in front of the computer.

I used to get very upset by this. Hurt, sad, having major dramatic weeping spells. Yes, I admit, I was the drama queen. But now I find that I am seeing this behavior for what it is -- manipulative and deceitful. I am angry. No, that is probably an understatement -- I am seething, furious and thoroughly pissed off. (hey, it's my blog, I can SAY that here).

What frustrates me the most is that I have to exercise control over my emotions which border on the side of hostility when this silent but deadly treatment is present. I get enraged because my partner refused to hear me out, nor gives me any clue as to what is wrong with him.

This reminds me of "I'll show YOU" behavior. It is vengeful and destructive. It also makes me feel alienated and lonely.

Other interesting piece of amunition is the, mysterious illness that seems to occur whenever he gets angry -- a big headache. Let's get real here folks, the headache is not something I caused. It is the physioligical response some experience when overburdened with stress. Take tylenol, take a chill pill, go for a walk, but what ever you decide to do, don't blame your ailments on me.

The good news is that I feel like I've made progress (yeah, I know, it's hard to believe under the circumstances) from getting really upset to believing that I am a good person deservant of good treatment. I believe that the silent treatment is manipulative and devastating. I believe in open and honest communication, whether good or bad that is aimed at solving problems instead of letting them build. This type of behavior clearly doesn't fit this value, and I am unwilling to compromise.

So my decision is to, as hard as it is to refocus myself under these circumstances, to find something that makes me happy. This leads to more fuming from the abuser, but at some point they will realize that this kind of childish behavior holds no power of you. What are you going to do, sit around moping?

Life is too short to be burdened with unfullfilling and dramatic relationships. If you can't take someone with you on the road to happiness, don't get off on the guilt trip exit. Get in the drivers seat and take yourself to happiness.

As an aside, my mother was right -- again. She said, ignore it, it will blow over, in the meantime go make yourself happy. What was I thinking when I was a teenager and though my mother was the silliest person in the world?

Fast Food Fury

First, let it be said that I am not a big fan of fast food, or any type of junk food for that matter. Every now and then, in a pinch, or when the mood strikes me, a good juicy burger is just what the doctor ordered. Every so often, when my kids have been especially good, they might get a trip to the local BK to climb on the playground equipment and enjoy their children's meals.

I suppose in addition to my aversion to artery clogging substances, I have an intolerance for ineptitude, which seems to be rampant in fast food chains. Take tonight for instance. I go to the drive through at the local Golden Arches and order 3 hot fudge sundays and a Happy Meal. I pull up to the teller and my total is $5.24. I think.."hmm, I got of cheap tonight" it then become apparent that they only put 1 sundae on my bill. The teller asks me if the toy is for a boy or a girl, when we get home there is no toy at all!

A couple of weeks ago, I endulge in a Whopper. I order it no lettuce, no onions. I get home..open up my sandwich and voila -- lettuce on my sandwich. Try picking that out of the melted cheese! I ask for ranch dressing with the chicken strips, no ranch dressing. Now mind you -- the order was repeated back to me.

Do we as customers really have to hold up the line and check every order we place? What kind of people are they hiring at these places? Why is it that when you order, let say pizza, you ALWAYS get the right thing, but when you go to these places, there is almost always something amiss.

Is this group of mostly teenagers representative of the leadership of tomorrow? God I hope not.

For the record, I have gone through the trouble of phoning these places, and if you are lucky enough to get a live body on the phone, they usually will make good on the order they screwed up. But let's face it -- this is supposed to be fast food, a convenience, and having to go back by the restaurants to have your order corrected would defeat the whole purpose, wouldn't it? Not only that, but usually the kids are so eager to delve into their food that it would be almost cruel to pack up the erroneous order and head back out.

Another observation: why is it that these screw ups happen almost exclusively at the drive through and not when you actually eat your meal inside? It's a conspiracy :)

Grieving the old me -- Accepting the new

I am a person who is ill. Without going into specifics, I can tell you that I am not the same person I was a number of years ago. Things that I used to take for granted, are much more difficult to do. Add to that my insistence on being a perfectionist, my drive for exceeding expectations (including my own), and 2 little human beings that depend on me and you've got a recipe for instant disaster.

I am addicted to "to-do" lists, and without them I get absolutely zero accomplished. I've also noticed that when one writes down goals, it is much more likely to get the goals accomplished. The caviat is that I am still young, bright, intelligent -- but my body will have none of it. If I have a list of 3 things I want to do, I can only get to one of them. I cannot, for the life of me, come to peace with the fact that I am disabled, that I am more easily fatigued and that a simple trip to Wallyworld can wipe me out for the rest of the day.

I don't identify with the disabled label very well, I suppose. Some people have told me that I need to stop thinking about being ill. I don't really, until my inability to achieve certain tasks starts to drive me nuts and I am faced with accepting the fact that I simply can NOT do what it is I would like.

Reminders like yesterday, when I went to the dentist, and I could not have a tooth extracted because of possible, serious complications thanks to a radiation treatment I received 3 years ago. Reminders that my body has changed and that tooth decay is more prevalent in people with my condition. Reminders that, when I fill out new medical intake forms, there are certain boxes I now check yes.

I think that I am very angry that my body won't cooperate. My desire to, for example, keep a spic-and-span home, has me living on the edge at times. Yes, I realize that the standards are high, but I don't have peace of mind when my house is a mess. I can't think straight. Angry when I can't cross anything off my to-do list.

Enter my mother. She is a no-nonsense kind of woman who tells it like it is even when you won't like it. She asked me the other day if I was ever going to accept that I was sick. I don't know. It is as if by accepting it, I will always identify with it and become someone who is permanently on the pitty-potty.

Yes, I am hard on myself. I rarely give up on things, and I suppose that is why I have gotten good care and follow up despite miserable circumstances. But in this scenario, it does not serve me well. My stubborness is standing in the way of accepting things as they are. I am stuck in the perpetual "if only" mode.

On the flip side, the if only mode has opened up avenues for me that I never thought possible. It has created the ability to think on my feet, and to upend even the most stubborn roadblocks at times. When the need arises, I am determined to find a way to circumvent red tape and stonewallers.

But the stubborness does not pay in my quest to be whole despite my illness. It is standing in the way of my happiness.

If you can relate to any of what I've said, please post a comment or e-mail me. I'd love to hear from you!

Enchiladas Verdes

I am infamous for cooking by the seat of my pants. Before I forget what I put in my recipe this time, I figured I'd blog it. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did!!

1 - 13 oz can cooked chicken - low sodium

1 - 4 oz can diced green chilies

1 - 10 oz can cream of mushroom soup - low sodium

1 small onion diced

2 cloves garlic minced

1 - 4 oz can sliced black olives

1 cup fresh mushrooms chopped in small pieces

1 package shredded mozerella cheese (low fat)

10 oz low fat organic yogurt

1-16oz container Archer Farms Fire Roasted Salsa Verde - Mild (available at Target)

18 corn tortillas

1-2 green onions, including some of the green part.

Olive oil

1 large caserole dish sprayed with Pam Organic Canola Oil Non-stick spray.

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Dice onion, wash & chop mushrooms, mince garlic. In a skillet heat olive oil over medium heat. Add onions and sautee until golden brown. Add mushroom and saute with onions to desired doneness. Stir in garlic, green chilis. If desired, add a little salt to the vegetables to make them sweat and cook properly.

In a large bowl, crumble up chicken. Add mushroom soup, yogurt, 1 cup of cheese and black olives. Mix well. Add onion mushroom mixture and blend.

Return skillet to stove and cook tortillas in a small bit of oil on both sides, perhaps 30 seconds each just enough to make them pliable.

Assembly:

Place 6 tortillas on the bottom of the casserole dish in an even layer. Spread half of the the chicken mixture on top. Layer another 6 tortillas and spread remaining mixture on top. Layer next 6 tortillas. Top with salsa verde making sure to spread out to edges. Sprinkle mozarella cheese over top garnish with black olives and green onions.

Place in oven and cook at 350 degrees for about 20-25 minutes until the cheese is melted. Cut and serve with sliced avocados.

More about the infamous chair...

Just returned from my dentist appointment. Despite the fear the extensive treatment that awaits me stirs in me, it was a very good experience.

Novel concept #1: The dentist was on time.

Novel concept #2: The dentist took the time to get to know me and ask me about any problems.

While I just had X rays taken in June, and was told I only had one cavity... now in August, the dentist and I reviewed each tooth and it revealed countless problems missed by previous dentist. Are they taking me for a ride? I don't think so. I saw with my own eyes the problem areas. When I asked the new dentist whether it was possible that these problems had arisen in the last 2 months, she said absolutely not. Hmmm..makes you wonder about something that I have been observing over the last several years.

If you are disabled and are on the State's insurance policy, expect the absolute worst. Expect that you will have to fight for any treatment that is relatively new, expect to be treated like you have no cranial capacity whatsoever, expect to be treated like a number. Even when you are as vocal as I have become, armed with reems of paper detailing the benefits of procedure X, Y or Z and countless questions, you are bound to be stonewalled by some of those who claim to be medical and/or dental professionals.

When did it become acceptable to treat people with lower incomes with substandard care? When did they become less valuable as a human being to society? Does this not form a prima ficia case for discrimination based on disability and income?

Until now, I did not have concrete proof of my suppositions. I've always felt that some of the physicians on my insurance plan were not graduates from top tier medical schools. This is proof in the pudding. I paid all of $39 for a second opinion. Money well spent, might I add, for peace of mind.

Not only that, but being treated with dignity, respect and compassion will go a long way to preparing this denta-weenie for the next visit to THE CHAIR.

Fear and Loathing in Bucks County

Today is a big day for me. It's time to go to the torture chambers, also known as the dentist office.

After many years of sub-par dental treatment, my fear of dental proceedures is close to phobia. Scheduling an appointment brought on sweats and nausea. I'm not kidding.

Let me highlight my last dental experience. Through my insurance, I was sent to a dental office close by. I had an appointment for 4 o'clock and was not seen until nearly 5:15. The waiting room, there was no room to sit. The sound of drills squealing in the background, the strange chemical odors enough to make me want to vomit.

When I finally got to THE CHAIR, the dentist was clearly annoyed by the heavy patient load. I attempted to explain to her my extreme dislike and fear of dentists, only to be brushed off. I needed X rays, which when you have a very small mouth like me are no pleasant feat. Let it be said, that some dentists will accomodate you by using pediatric film, but I ended up with scrapes on the roof of my mouth. Ah...but we've only just begun.

I had the misfortune of not having dental insurance for several years and not having been to the dentist for an extended period of time makes me prime candidate for paying for their next vacation to the Bahamas, believe me. There were some very abrupt comments made by the dentists that I did not appreciate.

Before I know what's happening -- and might I add after explicitly stating that I want to know what is going on BEFORE anything happens in my mouth -- I am being swabbed with a numbing gel to prepare me for a cleaning.

So today, I am going to a new dentist. I am paying cash for my visit and hope that it will be a more pleasant experience that what I've run into in the past.

I often wonder whether this type of sadism is what got dentist to go to dental school in the first place -- a means of revenge on their bad experiences in the past.

I am certain no one likes to go to the dentist. It is my hope that in the advent of customer service driven business, dentist will become more aware of the fear they are able to instill in their patients just by their attitude. Perhaps Compassion 101 or Chair-side manner 102 should become compulsory at all major dental schools.