The silent treatment's best friend

I've noticed that the silent treatment as a partner called "let's pretend". I've noticed that the preface to most of the silent treatment around here is prefaced by a phase where I ask "Baby what's going on" and then get an insincere smile with the answer "I'm fine" when you know things are anything but. The I'm fine is often accompanied with behavior that makes it clear that things are not fine. Like ignoring someone, cooking food only for oneself, spending hours on end in front of the computer.

I used to get very upset by this. Hurt, sad, having major dramatic weeping spells. Yes, I admit, I was the drama queen. But now I find that I am seeing this behavior for what it is -- manipulative and deceitful. I am angry. No, that is probably an understatement -- I am seething, furious and thoroughly pissed off. (hey, it's my blog, I can SAY that here).

What frustrates me the most is that I have to exercise control over my emotions which border on the side of hostility when this silent but deadly treatment is present. I get enraged because my partner refused to hear me out, nor gives me any clue as to what is wrong with him.

This reminds me of "I'll show YOU" behavior. It is vengeful and destructive. It also makes me feel alienated and lonely.

Other interesting piece of amunition is the, mysterious illness that seems to occur whenever he gets angry -- a big headache. Let's get real here folks, the headache is not something I caused. It is the physioligical response some experience when overburdened with stress. Take tylenol, take a chill pill, go for a walk, but what ever you decide to do, don't blame your ailments on me.

The good news is that I feel like I've made progress (yeah, I know, it's hard to believe under the circumstances) from getting really upset to believing that I am a good person deservant of good treatment. I believe that the silent treatment is manipulative and devastating. I believe in open and honest communication, whether good or bad that is aimed at solving problems instead of letting them build. This type of behavior clearly doesn't fit this value, and I am unwilling to compromise.

So my decision is to, as hard as it is to refocus myself under these circumstances, to find something that makes me happy. This leads to more fuming from the abuser, but at some point they will realize that this kind of childish behavior holds no power of you. What are you going to do, sit around moping?

Life is too short to be burdened with unfullfilling and dramatic relationships. If you can't take someone with you on the road to happiness, don't get off on the guilt trip exit. Get in the drivers seat and take yourself to happiness.

As an aside, my mother was right -- again. She said, ignore it, it will blow over, in the meantime go make yourself happy. What was I thinking when I was a teenager and though my mother was the silliest person in the world?