Dental Work (continued)

Well tomorrow is D-day. I am very nervous and scared because I am undergoing quite a bit of dental work in one sitting. The good news is that my new dentist is very friendly and compassionate. I have tried to keep myself entertained and focused on other things besides what is about to take place tomorrow. I find I am obsessing about not so much the procedure while in the chair, but the potential for post-operative pain.

My other fear is that I will not be completely numb for the procedure and that the dentist will not stop even though I am in agony. Don't blame me, this is not an unrealistic fear, it has happened more times than I can count on one hand.

This is one of the reasons it surprises me when a dentist has a poor chair-side manner or chastises his or her patients for being afraid. We, after all are consumers, no different than any other business. Yes, dentists are a necessary evil, but can we at least try to make the experience as pleasant as possible.

I have been offered nitrous oxide, but having no previous experience with this, I am nervous about inhaling some gas that will make me loopy. Some people love the idea, I, personally like to have my wits about me, unless I am completely knocked out.

As luck would have it, I am allergic to just about every opioid on the market. So an alternative has to be given. I have had some experience with this medication before with mixed results. I am terrified that I will be in agony and because it is not an opioid, it does not have the benefit of making one drowsy or simply not giving a hoot.

I am nervous about spending a lot of money on my teeth, but the alternative isn't a good one either. I keep thinking of ways to avoid going, but that is miserable as well. The recurring thought in my head is tomorrow at this time it will all be over...

Great Eats In Bucks County

I'm a sucker for trying new foods, no matter their origins. So today we went to Food Castle, a great Indian restaurant with an unpretentious name.

The menu is huge and covers Indian, Thai and Chinese Food. It is not for the faint at heart as it is quite spicy. We tried the Murgh Tikki Masala, Garlic Naan, Samosas, and Dry Chili Chicken. For around $30 total, we feasted like royalty. For those on a Muslim diet, the food is prepared with halal meats, and there are numerous vegetarian entrees as well.

It certainly was worth the drive to Bensalem from our abode in Levittown. My suggestion -- call ahead for take out orders as the wait is pretty lengthy. The upshot is that your food will be hot when you get it home and it is most definitely fresh.

If you love mango as much as I do, definitely do not pass up the mango lassi!!

Stay tuned for other finds around Bucks County.

The silent treatment's best friend

I've noticed that the silent treatment as a partner called "let's pretend". I've noticed that the preface to most of the silent treatment around here is prefaced by a phase where I ask "Baby what's going on" and then get an insincere smile with the answer "I'm fine" when you know things are anything but. The I'm fine is often accompanied with behavior that makes it clear that things are not fine. Like ignoring someone, cooking food only for oneself, spending hours on end in front of the computer.

I used to get very upset by this. Hurt, sad, having major dramatic weeping spells. Yes, I admit, I was the drama queen. But now I find that I am seeing this behavior for what it is -- manipulative and deceitful. I am angry. No, that is probably an understatement -- I am seething, furious and thoroughly pissed off. (hey, it's my blog, I can SAY that here).

What frustrates me the most is that I have to exercise control over my emotions which border on the side of hostility when this silent but deadly treatment is present. I get enraged because my partner refused to hear me out, nor gives me any clue as to what is wrong with him.

This reminds me of "I'll show YOU" behavior. It is vengeful and destructive. It also makes me feel alienated and lonely.

Other interesting piece of amunition is the, mysterious illness that seems to occur whenever he gets angry -- a big headache. Let's get real here folks, the headache is not something I caused. It is the physioligical response some experience when overburdened with stress. Take tylenol, take a chill pill, go for a walk, but what ever you decide to do, don't blame your ailments on me.

The good news is that I feel like I've made progress (yeah, I know, it's hard to believe under the circumstances) from getting really upset to believing that I am a good person deservant of good treatment. I believe that the silent treatment is manipulative and devastating. I believe in open and honest communication, whether good or bad that is aimed at solving problems instead of letting them build. This type of behavior clearly doesn't fit this value, and I am unwilling to compromise.

So my decision is to, as hard as it is to refocus myself under these circumstances, to find something that makes me happy. This leads to more fuming from the abuser, but at some point they will realize that this kind of childish behavior holds no power of you. What are you going to do, sit around moping?

Life is too short to be burdened with unfullfilling and dramatic relationships. If you can't take someone with you on the road to happiness, don't get off on the guilt trip exit. Get in the drivers seat and take yourself to happiness.

As an aside, my mother was right -- again. She said, ignore it, it will blow over, in the meantime go make yourself happy. What was I thinking when I was a teenager and though my mother was the silliest person in the world?

Fast Food Fury

First, let it be said that I am not a big fan of fast food, or any type of junk food for that matter. Every now and then, in a pinch, or when the mood strikes me, a good juicy burger is just what the doctor ordered. Every so often, when my kids have been especially good, they might get a trip to the local BK to climb on the playground equipment and enjoy their children's meals.

I suppose in addition to my aversion to artery clogging substances, I have an intolerance for ineptitude, which seems to be rampant in fast food chains. Take tonight for instance. I go to the drive through at the local Golden Arches and order 3 hot fudge sundays and a Happy Meal. I pull up to the teller and my total is $5.24. I think.."hmm, I got of cheap tonight" it then become apparent that they only put 1 sundae on my bill. The teller asks me if the toy is for a boy or a girl, when we get home there is no toy at all!

A couple of weeks ago, I endulge in a Whopper. I order it no lettuce, no onions. I get home..open up my sandwich and voila -- lettuce on my sandwich. Try picking that out of the melted cheese! I ask for ranch dressing with the chicken strips, no ranch dressing. Now mind you -- the order was repeated back to me.

Do we as customers really have to hold up the line and check every order we place? What kind of people are they hiring at these places? Why is it that when you order, let say pizza, you ALWAYS get the right thing, but when you go to these places, there is almost always something amiss.

Is this group of mostly teenagers representative of the leadership of tomorrow? God I hope not.

For the record, I have gone through the trouble of phoning these places, and if you are lucky enough to get a live body on the phone, they usually will make good on the order they screwed up. But let's face it -- this is supposed to be fast food, a convenience, and having to go back by the restaurants to have your order corrected would defeat the whole purpose, wouldn't it? Not only that, but usually the kids are so eager to delve into their food that it would be almost cruel to pack up the erroneous order and head back out.

Another observation: why is it that these screw ups happen almost exclusively at the drive through and not when you actually eat your meal inside? It's a conspiracy :)

Grieving the old me -- Accepting the new

I am a person who is ill. Without going into specifics, I can tell you that I am not the same person I was a number of years ago. Things that I used to take for granted, are much more difficult to do. Add to that my insistence on being a perfectionist, my drive for exceeding expectations (including my own), and 2 little human beings that depend on me and you've got a recipe for instant disaster.

I am addicted to "to-do" lists, and without them I get absolutely zero accomplished. I've also noticed that when one writes down goals, it is much more likely to get the goals accomplished. The caviat is that I am still young, bright, intelligent -- but my body will have none of it. If I have a list of 3 things I want to do, I can only get to one of them. I cannot, for the life of me, come to peace with the fact that I am disabled, that I am more easily fatigued and that a simple trip to Wallyworld can wipe me out for the rest of the day.

I don't identify with the disabled label very well, I suppose. Some people have told me that I need to stop thinking about being ill. I don't really, until my inability to achieve certain tasks starts to drive me nuts and I am faced with accepting the fact that I simply can NOT do what it is I would like.

Reminders like yesterday, when I went to the dentist, and I could not have a tooth extracted because of possible, serious complications thanks to a radiation treatment I received 3 years ago. Reminders that my body has changed and that tooth decay is more prevalent in people with my condition. Reminders that, when I fill out new medical intake forms, there are certain boxes I now check yes.

I think that I am very angry that my body won't cooperate. My desire to, for example, keep a spic-and-span home, has me living on the edge at times. Yes, I realize that the standards are high, but I don't have peace of mind when my house is a mess. I can't think straight. Angry when I can't cross anything off my to-do list.

Enter my mother. She is a no-nonsense kind of woman who tells it like it is even when you won't like it. She asked me the other day if I was ever going to accept that I was sick. I don't know. It is as if by accepting it, I will always identify with it and become someone who is permanently on the pitty-potty.

Yes, I am hard on myself. I rarely give up on things, and I suppose that is why I have gotten good care and follow up despite miserable circumstances. But in this scenario, it does not serve me well. My stubborness is standing in the way of accepting things as they are. I am stuck in the perpetual "if only" mode.

On the flip side, the if only mode has opened up avenues for me that I never thought possible. It has created the ability to think on my feet, and to upend even the most stubborn roadblocks at times. When the need arises, I am determined to find a way to circumvent red tape and stonewallers.

But the stubborness does not pay in my quest to be whole despite my illness. It is standing in the way of my happiness.

If you can relate to any of what I've said, please post a comment or e-mail me. I'd love to hear from you!

Enchiladas Verdes

I am infamous for cooking by the seat of my pants. Before I forget what I put in my recipe this time, I figured I'd blog it. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did!!

1 - 13 oz can cooked chicken - low sodium

1 - 4 oz can diced green chilies

1 - 10 oz can cream of mushroom soup - low sodium

1 small onion diced

2 cloves garlic minced

1 - 4 oz can sliced black olives

1 cup fresh mushrooms chopped in small pieces

1 package shredded mozerella cheese (low fat)

10 oz low fat organic yogurt

1-16oz container Archer Farms Fire Roasted Salsa Verde - Mild (available at Target)

18 corn tortillas

1-2 green onions, including some of the green part.

Olive oil

1 large caserole dish sprayed with Pam Organic Canola Oil Non-stick spray.

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Dice onion, wash & chop mushrooms, mince garlic. In a skillet heat olive oil over medium heat. Add onions and sautee until golden brown. Add mushroom and saute with onions to desired doneness. Stir in garlic, green chilis. If desired, add a little salt to the vegetables to make them sweat and cook properly.

In a large bowl, crumble up chicken. Add mushroom soup, yogurt, 1 cup of cheese and black olives. Mix well. Add onion mushroom mixture and blend.

Return skillet to stove and cook tortillas in a small bit of oil on both sides, perhaps 30 seconds each just enough to make them pliable.

Assembly:

Place 6 tortillas on the bottom of the casserole dish in an even layer. Spread half of the the chicken mixture on top. Layer another 6 tortillas and spread remaining mixture on top. Layer next 6 tortillas. Top with salsa verde making sure to spread out to edges. Sprinkle mozarella cheese over top garnish with black olives and green onions.

Place in oven and cook at 350 degrees for about 20-25 minutes until the cheese is melted. Cut and serve with sliced avocados.

More about the infamous chair...

Just returned from my dentist appointment. Despite the fear the extensive treatment that awaits me stirs in me, it was a very good experience.

Novel concept #1: The dentist was on time.

Novel concept #2: The dentist took the time to get to know me and ask me about any problems.

While I just had X rays taken in June, and was told I only had one cavity... now in August, the dentist and I reviewed each tooth and it revealed countless problems missed by previous dentist. Are they taking me for a ride? I don't think so. I saw with my own eyes the problem areas. When I asked the new dentist whether it was possible that these problems had arisen in the last 2 months, she said absolutely not. Hmmm..makes you wonder about something that I have been observing over the last several years.

If you are disabled and are on the State's insurance policy, expect the absolute worst. Expect that you will have to fight for any treatment that is relatively new, expect to be treated like you have no cranial capacity whatsoever, expect to be treated like a number. Even when you are as vocal as I have become, armed with reems of paper detailing the benefits of procedure X, Y or Z and countless questions, you are bound to be stonewalled by some of those who claim to be medical and/or dental professionals.

When did it become acceptable to treat people with lower incomes with substandard care? When did they become less valuable as a human being to society? Does this not form a prima ficia case for discrimination based on disability and income?

Until now, I did not have concrete proof of my suppositions. I've always felt that some of the physicians on my insurance plan were not graduates from top tier medical schools. This is proof in the pudding. I paid all of $39 for a second opinion. Money well spent, might I add, for peace of mind.

Not only that, but being treated with dignity, respect and compassion will go a long way to preparing this denta-weenie for the next visit to THE CHAIR.

Fear and Loathing in Bucks County

Today is a big day for me. It's time to go to the torture chambers, also known as the dentist office.

After many years of sub-par dental treatment, my fear of dental proceedures is close to phobia. Scheduling an appointment brought on sweats and nausea. I'm not kidding.

Let me highlight my last dental experience. Through my insurance, I was sent to a dental office close by. I had an appointment for 4 o'clock and was not seen until nearly 5:15. The waiting room, there was no room to sit. The sound of drills squealing in the background, the strange chemical odors enough to make me want to vomit.

When I finally got to THE CHAIR, the dentist was clearly annoyed by the heavy patient load. I attempted to explain to her my extreme dislike and fear of dentists, only to be brushed off. I needed X rays, which when you have a very small mouth like me are no pleasant feat. Let it be said, that some dentists will accomodate you by using pediatric film, but I ended up with scrapes on the roof of my mouth. Ah...but we've only just begun.

I had the misfortune of not having dental insurance for several years and not having been to the dentist for an extended period of time makes me prime candidate for paying for their next vacation to the Bahamas, believe me. There were some very abrupt comments made by the dentists that I did not appreciate.

Before I know what's happening -- and might I add after explicitly stating that I want to know what is going on BEFORE anything happens in my mouth -- I am being swabbed with a numbing gel to prepare me for a cleaning.

So today, I am going to a new dentist. I am paying cash for my visit and hope that it will be a more pleasant experience that what I've run into in the past.

I often wonder whether this type of sadism is what got dentist to go to dental school in the first place -- a means of revenge on their bad experiences in the past.

I am certain no one likes to go to the dentist. It is my hope that in the advent of customer service driven business, dentist will become more aware of the fear they are able to instill in their patients just by their attitude. Perhaps Compassion 101 or Chair-side manner 102 should become compulsory at all major dental schools.