Keeping your feet moving towards the object of your fear

Over the last couple of months I have faced down some formidable dragons and in the process really discovered a lot about who I am and what I am about. It seems  to me that a lot of depression and anxiety is caused when your inner compass is out of tune with you outer world.

By that I mean that your core beliefs are being sabotaged because the fear of what will happen if you truly follow your heart, you truly do what you believe wants to shut you down before you even arrive at the challenge.  I intercepted a large tax return that was applied toward an arrearage, advocated for excellence in health care and stood up for what I believed - albeit it on shaking baby giraffe-like legs. It made me realize how powerful I really am (without sounding boastful it is the kind of powerful that allows me to be a fierce and able advocate for myself and my children when needed).  It made me realize that my observations, my thoughts and my actions legitimate.  And power is about being able to form relationships that are collaborative as well as ones where all parties are heard.

So often what happens, the moment we start feeling fear, is we stop. We take a detour, we pretend that the goal we had intended doesn't exist. I started challenging myself to stop making excuses and to keep my feet moving towards my goal despite the intense fear I felt in doing so.

I began visualizing what it would feel like to be at peace.  I started to retreat to that inner calm to discover what in my inner being I really wanted to do or how I wanted to react or respond to a situation instead of letting others manipulate me into decisions that I wasn't ready to make.

What I discovered about myself is this: I enjoy the quiet introspective times spent by myself to ponder the many aspects of life. By some this solitude is viewed as a sign of depression, but for me it is a serenity paralleled by no other means. To travel inside to the core, where you connect with the Source.

Later, I reemerged with a new resolve and a new attitude about how I am going to tackle a particular project or conflict with renewed energy and determination.  It helps me to visualize what things look, feel, taste, like in order for me to feel a sense of calm.

Generally speaking, I have a very poor perception of self, I don't realize when I have made some major gains in the self-development arena in my life.  But this time I can feel it as the good kind of giddy-anxiety propels me into new areas and is allowing me to take on new endeavors with a new attitude.